I was raised in an environment where “good hair” was often defined in a very narrow way. It was usually recognized in those who weren’t considered “fully Black”, whether biracial, Asian, White, or others. Black girls’ natural hair curls, coils, and waves were rarely celebrated. Growing up, I didn’t even know the fullness of what God had already placed within me. I wasn’t taught about the beauty of a Black woman’s hair or how, with the right care, our hair could truly flourish just as it was created.
Where I grew up, this wasn’t just a personal experience; it was a community mindset. Natural hair simply wasn’t seen very often. The norm was braids, extensions, or wigs. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those styles, they just didn’t help me to see my own natural hair in a positive light. Without seeing natural hair regularly, without hearing it affirmed, it became something unfamiliar… something I didn’t fully understand or embrace, even into adulthood.
At the young age of 10, I received my first relaxer. From that point on, it became my norm. My routine was consistent: only allowing my hair to get wet on wash days every two weeks, starting with a relaxer retouch if needed, followed by a wash and blow-dry, then bone-straightening my hair. I was also deeply consumed with length, because in my environment, short hair was often seen as less attractive. I’m now 40! and having been raised through the 90s and into the early 2000s, this was my culture and experience that shaped my understanding of beauty.
But now… God is doing a new thing!
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:18–19)
I am so blessed that the Holy Spirit revealed truth to me in such a personal way. One day, my relaxer simply wouldn’t take. What I once would have seen as a major problem became a moment of awakening, a real Romans 8:28 moment. It was as if the Lord was saying, “Look, do you see these curls?” I could see them, but I thought, “They won’t look pretty when they dry.” I realized I hadn’t been trained to notice the beauty in my natural curls; I had been trained to simply move forward with my routine, never stopping to truly see what God had given me.
Just like that, I realized something deeper: so often, we believe something is wrong with how God made us. Our environments and mindsets can shape us to overlook our own beauty, and over time, we begin to agree with those limitations.
Eventually, I did a big chop because I was so curious to see how my hair would grow in naturally and to truly understand my curl pattern without any manipulation. Disclaimer: I would not recommend this step for everyone, only if the Lord leads you.
I began to reflect on the shift, how there were times in history when natural hair was worn more freely, and then a transition where straight hair became the standard so many of us felt we had to follow. And while relaxers are not inherently bad, and every woman’s hair journey is her own, I’ve even heard some say they feel their hair grows better with one, this journey for me became less about what is right or wrong, and more about what I had never learned to see.
But God, in His grace, renews our understanding.
This journey has become more than just about hair for me; it’s about letting go of old mindsets and allowing Him to redefine beauty in my life. It’s about seeing myself the way He sees me: fearfully and wonderfully made, (Psalm 139:14).
Today, I embrace my natural hair as unique, intentional, and beautifully designed by my Creator, in all its textures. Water has become my best friend!! and I no longer measure beauty by what I was taught growing up, but by the truth God has placed within me.
He is still doing a new thing in me! and I’m grateful to walk in it, fully and freely.
I pray this blesses someone, Amen.
(Remain in Him)
allgrowtogether, Christian life coaching. 